31 Days of Him... Day 9. Autumn

A long time back my feet could touch the bottom. Not anymore. I should be swimming in the deep, in the deep waters of His Love, in the deep ocean of His faithfulness, He's my life raft, my sustanance, He's hand on my shoulder makes for great spiritual floaties... long ago, my feet could touch the bottom. Not anymore. Yet, I still flounder like I'm in the shallow end, as if I stepped into His Ocean last week, not 13 years ago. But with the Close of Autumn, His love... abounds...

When I'm cold and alone, all I want is my freedom, sudden gusts of gravity.
I stop wailing and kicking, just to let this water cover me (cover me)
Only if I rest my arms, rest my mind, You'll overcome me, swell up around me
With my fighting so vain, with my vanity so fought, I'm rolling over

Cause in just the same way, the stream becomes swollen
Swollen with cold up over the ground
When my heart drawns close, to the close of autumn
Your Love
Your Love
Abounds

All this time I'm thinking, wondering how would it be to breathe in deep
Guess I need to be careful when I ask for a drink
Just might get what I ask for
And I know just what You'll say to me, that why I don't ask You
What would I ask You?
Like a bull-headed boy these days, crying my toy's gone--You're shiny and new

Cause in just the same way, the stream becomes swollen
Swollen with cold up over the ground
When my heart draws close, to the close of autumn
Your Love
Your Love
Abounds

Guess I'll drop my anger here, before I float away
And the chain's around me
An awful lot of talking, I don't leave You much to say
You didn't ever leave me

And my greatest fear...

...was You'd leave me here...

...a long time back my feet...

...could touch the bottom.

30 Days of Him... Day 7-8. Freedom

Day 7 for me was really just a prayer session. I didn't dive into The Word, I didn't go deep into Scripture study or anything, I just decided it was a good time to talk to the Father. My Father. About what? Well, like your prayers, much of it was personal.

As for Day 8, today, its Romans 8. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus, the law of spirit and life set me free from the law of sin and death.

As the modern day hymn goes...

If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed...
If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed...
If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed...
If the Son has set me free, I am free indeed...
Since the Son has set me free, I am free indeed...
Now that the Son has set me free, I know I'm free indeed...

If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed...

Amazing love, how can it be, that You my King would die for me? Amazing love, I know its true, and its my joy to honor You. In all I do, I honor You.

Father, let me honor You in all I do. Let me honor The Lovely Steph Leann, the most wonderful Earthly gift you could give me, let me honor my job and position, let me honor the people I call my friends and family... not that I may be glorified in any of these things, but that you can honored through me, you may be glorified through what I do with Steph, with my job, with my friends and family, which is your intention and purpose...

30 Days of Him... Day 6. Clumsy

Paul gets it. I would say "Paul got it", but I think while at Home, he gets it. Romans is great evidence of that.

To suggest I am anything like Paul would be a farce... his faith and obedience stood more on a random Tuesday than perhaps I've done in my entire life up until this very minute. But one of my favorite passages is in Romans 7... its like, a Well Intentioned Christ Followers Lament...

Paul writes:
Yes, I'm full of myself. I've spent alot of time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So, if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

But I need something MORE! For if I know the law, but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin in me within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes, I can will it, but I can't DO it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly, its predictable. The moment I decide to do good (like quiet times every night) sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but its pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

I've tried everything and nothing helps, I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contridiction where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. (The Message)

Story of my life, really. This is who I have been and I'm guessing that many of you can relate to just such a thing. But there is hope. And that's what I'll study for tomorrow.

The perfect song for this particular night, and passage, is from Chris Rice, one of his greatest and earliest hits... "Clumsy".

Think I'd have it down by now. Been practicing for 33 years.
Should have walked a thousand miles, so what am I still doing here?
Reaching out for that same old piece of forbidden fruit,
I slip and fall and I knock my halo loose
Somebody tell me what's a boy supposed to do?

I get so clumsy, I get so foolish, I get so stupid that I feel so useless
But Your saying You love me, and You still gonna hold me
That You want to be near me, cause You're making me holy
Still making me holy, yeah

Gonna get it right this time, I'll be strong and make You proud
I've prayed that prayer a thousand times, but the rooster crows and my tears roll down (again)
You remind me that You made me from the dust,
and I can never, no, never be good enough, but that You're not going to let that come between us

Cause I get so clumsy, I get so foolish, I can get so stupid that I feel so useless
But Your saying You love me, and You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me, cause You're making me holy
Still making me holy

From where I stand, Your holiness is up so high, I can never reach it.
My only hope is to follow Jesus

Cause I get so clumsy, and I get so foolish
I can get so stupid sometimes, and I feel so useless
But You're saying You love me
And Your still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me
Cause Your making me holy
Still making me holy
Keep making me holy, yeah

I don't know The Dreadlocked One's spiritual belief... this might be just a cover of a cool song, or a profession and example of his faith. Either way, I'm pretty excited I found this...

30 Days of Him... Day 5. Skippage

Wow. Four days into it, and I already broke the commitment. I didn't mean to, really... and it was on Saturday and Sunday, two days when you'd think I didn't have as much going on. Funny how when I had more free time, time escaped me than when I made a purpose to sit down, type a little bit, pray a little bit, praise a little bit (like now).

But, in those days when I am instead watching football (Go Gators!) or sleeping in (1130am!) or meandering around The Cabana trying to find something to eat (sour milk doesn't go good in Corn Chex, I gotta tell ya) and not thinking about ways to praise Him, I'm thankful that He doesn't forget me.

Never a minute goes by that I'm not in His mind, never a second passes that I am not the subject of His own Heavenly Quiet Time. That's not to say that He worships or praises me... no, but He does love me. He's crazy about me. And He's crazy about you too. Isn't that the coolest thing, like, ever?

Isaiah 41: 9-10 tells us what God says... "I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'you are my servant'. I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

He tells me, "I am YOUR God." That's wonderful. Because on days I forget what He does for me, He doesn't forget to do those things for me.

30 Days of Him... Day 4. Disappear

Long day. So, out of commitment and obligation, not desire (oh come on, you feel that like too sometimes) I thought I'd just post a song that I references already, and one of the few that changed my life...

Hidden
So well hidden in this picture, why can't I be drawn outside this line?
Willing
Just to vanish in Your shadow, what would wear away this thin disguise?
Surround by myself I get so tired of me
I know, I know what I need

Wish I could disappear inside You
Disappear
Hidden in the way I was intended to be
Closer to You and farther from me
I could disappear
Disappear

Given
I've been given so much freedom
Yes, grace abounds and I'm the chief abuser
Living in this house that I've constructed out of anything
that makes me feel good and safe and right
But the consequences of choice so easily made
leaves an empty space I'd easily trade

If I could disappear inside You
Disappear
Hidden in the way I was intended to be
Closer to You and farther from me
Disappear

Pulling focus from myself, now its coming clear...

Hidden in the way I was intended to be, closer to you and farther from me
I would disappear... disappear

Pulling focus from myself, there's got to be somebody else
Coming closer, getting near, I'll disappear
Pulling focus from myself, there's got to be somebody else
Everything is coming clear, I'll disappear

30 Days of Him... Day 3. Sovereign

So, I'm working at Starbucks tonight, its coming on 10pm, and I have to let people in the cafe know we are closing down for the night... I tell the group of Florida Gator Girls (all wearing Go Gators sweatshirts... and one of them went to Troy. The Lovely Steph Leann is so lucky she has me) that we are closing, then I inform the two people drinking O'Henry's Coffee in the corner. In Starbucks. Seriously, who does that?

Then I head to the back corner, and hear one girl talking... I strained my neck to see without coming any closer and discovered she was praying quietly aloud with the girl she was with. I stepped back and let them finish, returning a few minutes later.

"What were we studying tonight?" I asked, eyeing the Swords in front of both girls.
"Oh, we were just looking around in Hebrews tonight," said the Red Head. "God's been good this semester, and we were just talking about that. His sovereignty is amazing."
"Well," I replied with a smile, "isn't God good every semester? Isn't he always sovereign? Its usually us that only notice it at certain times."

Both Red Head and Brunette smile, with Red Head saying, "Yeah, thats true... He's good every semester!"

I thought about that after Red Head and Brunette left... isn't it funny how we like to praise God about how good He's been to us lately? "God's been good to me this month!" or "Wow, today God has been awesome!" or "Wow, this rocks. God loves me"

God's always good to us. God's always good to you. God's always good to me. I know this. Sometimes I forget it. Sometimes I don't realize that God being good to me doesn't necessarily mean that I'll be happy as a result of it... sometimes I fail to recognize that God being good to me might mean this will hurt for a little while. But God cannot possibly be bad to me. Its not in His nature. Its not in His design, whatever that means.

God cannot possibly do anything to cause us to fail in the prime objective... the ultimate glorification of God Himself.

Here's the one you don't want to hear (for Val and... Lauren? I hope that's her name... sorry, my memory can be terrible!!)

Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best. God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. Hebrews 12:10 (NIV)

And here's the one that you want to hear...

Clean house! Make a clean sweep of malice and pretense, envy and hurtful talk! You've had a taste of God. Now, drink deep of God's pure kindness. I Peter 2: 1-3 (The Message)


I mean... before Casting Crowns and Bethany Dillon and all these other up-and-comers... there was Crystal Lewis. And it was good.

30 Days of Him... Day 2. Waiting

"Must I always be waiting, waiting on you... must I always be playin', playin a fool..." -- Jack Johnson, "Sitting Wishing Waiting"

Sometimes I hate waiting. I'm not necessarily talking about waiting for something in particular, but just the concept bugs me sometimes. Waiting for the game to start. Waiting for the light to turn red. Waiting for my iPod to load. Waiting for The Lovely Steph Leann to get out of the shower. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Sheesh.

I just started a devotional, something to give me some substance for my 30 Days of Him Journey... you know, you can find them practically anywhere--"Ten Minutes With God" or "Quick Words for Busy Lives" or "Rush Hour Jesus" or whatever. Mine is actually called "The One Year Daily Grind", and its written and compiled by Sarah Arthur. Its not too deep, and it at least gives me a springboard for doing something daily.

Today it was talking about waiting, and the scripture today is Luke 2:25-38... it tells the story of Simeon... it says:

In Jerusalem at the time, there was a man, Simeon by name, a good man, man who lived in the prayerful expectancy of help for Israel. And the Holy Spirit was on him. The Spirit had showed him that he would see The Messiah (not Obama, mind you, but the real one) before he died. Led by the Spirit, he entered the Temple. As the parents of the child Jesus brought him in to carry out the rituals of the Law, Simeon took him into his arms and blessed God:

"God, you can now release your servant, release me in peace as you promised. With my own eyes I've seen your salvation; it's now out in the open for everyone to see... A God-revealing light to the non-Jewish nations, and of glory for your people Israel."

Jesus' father and mother were speechless with surprise at these words. Simeon went on to bless them, and said to Mary, his mother, "The child marks both the failure and the recovery of many in Israel, a figure misunderstood and contradicted--the pain of a sword thrust through you. But the rejection will force honesty, as God reveals who they really are.

Anna, the prophet, was also there, a daughter of Phanuel from the tribe of Asher. She was by now a very old woman. She had been married seven years and a widow for 84. She never left the Temple area, worshiping night and day with her fastings and prayers. At the very time Simeon was praying, she showed up, broke into a song of praise to God, and talked about the child to all who were waiting expectantly for the freeing of Jerusalem. (The Message)

So, these two have waiting all their lives for a promise to be fulfilled, a promise made by the Living God. They never doubted, or didn't show it, as the years went by, they just waiting for it to happen.

Sometimes we just wait, because those are our instructions. Sometimes God says, "Get on up now, go get to work, do what I told ya", and other times, He says, "Now, stay there til I tell you different." If we trust the process that God has for us, this is what we do.

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is Psalm 130... I use The Message alot, and will do so, for this site, but I prefer the NIV in this instance... the psalmist writes:

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, who could stand? But with YOU, there is forgiveness, therefore you are feared.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord, more than the watchman wait for the morning, more than the watchman wait for the morning.

Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord there is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins.

Yes, if God kept a record of 0.00000000000001% of my sins, I'd be done for. And thats just today's screw-ups. But He promised forgiveness. I pray to Him, making my life a prayer, and wait for what He'll say and do, and what He'll say and do through me.

I just hope I'm attentive enough when He wants to use me, rather than Him making me be used. That hurts more.